Gay Dating Expert: HIV Disclosure

Gay Dating Expert

Dear GDE

I met a guy, we dated slept together after a couple of dates and got into a rhythm of being in a relationship. Four months down the line he announced that he’s been HIV+ for five years. I went into melt down, although we’ve practiced mainly safe sex we didn’t when giving and receiving oral. I feel he should have told me before we slept together. I’ve had a test and I’m negative, but we’ve only met up for coffee a couple of times since, he was very worried when I went for the test, which made me thing he’d realized I’d been put at risk.

Is there a legal guideline about disclosure?

Name Withheld

Some people disclose at different times, however I personally feel it should before sex to give the choice. No matter how safe you are, something could happen and the person could be put at risk. It’s a very emotive issue, and I can appreciate that someone with HIV would want to be identified as a person before being identified as a chronic illness.

I don’t know which country you live in and I’m not a lawyer, however if you want to get the black and white legal aspect I suggest you speak with your local HIV advice center.

Email your relationship or dating question to the The Gay Dating Expert

Travis Smith

3 thoughts on “Gay Dating Expert: HIV Disclosure

  1. FatassDon says:

    Whiny bitches, listen up: yes, someone who is HIV+ should disclose their status, but if you didn’t ask before you jumped into bed are you any less responsible for your own health? For most of us, and I’m being honest, getting in, getting off, and getting out then getting on is the game. Now, lots of us might mistakenly think that what was great for us means that maybe we’re in love and this could be THE ONE. Baby… no. If it turns into something more, and you didn’t discuss it before doing the nasty, NOW is the time to say “Hey, I had a great time! We should do this again, and if we are going to do it, let’s discuss status. “; if you are grown up enough to do it, be grown up enough to be responsible to yourself.

  2. Brian says:

    Was either of your statuses discussed before dates and or sex? Every state in the country has different disclosure laws. It is not the HIV+ persons responsibility to disclose necessarily, It is good practice if you want something to be more than a hook up. Did you go into the date knowing that sex was on the table? If so you must also know that you have to take care of your own sexual health and know the facts about all std’s that you could get. Big deal this guy was positive do you know any of the latest research? Everyone needs to educate themselves and stop help get rid of stigma and questions like this will go away

  3. Luis M Santiago says:

    TIME>> WHEN 2 DISCLOSE? I’VE BEEN POZ SINCE I WAS 17YRS.IM 50 NOW AND STILL I FEEL IT’S ON A NEED 2 KNOW BASIS. ALSO THAT BEING SAID, I’M UPFRONT> FIRST THING OUT OF MY MOUTH DURING CONVERSATION.
    I THINK IN THE SENSE OF> WERE ALL POZ! ACCEPTING WHO U R, IS ACCEPTING THE POSSIBILITY OF HIV.

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