Gay Dating Expert: “He wont sleep with me!”

Dear GDE

I moved into a new shared house, it’s a large house and very gay, full of beary looking guys, cubs, otters and it’s like living on a porn film, with scantily clad guys walking around, the mornings at the weekend are wonderful when the one night stands have breakfast or brunch together on Sunday. We’re all single or just playing the dating field. I’ve been living here for a few months and I have fallen for one of my housemates, he’s very attractive, gym body covered with fur, and a interchangeable beard or goatee beard. He’s always bringing someone home for the night, and even though I know he’s not a serious contender for a boyfriend I still want to sleep with him. I’ve tried to make a move on him, but he refuses to go down that route. I’ve bought a selection of guys home to make him jealous, but he doesn’t react. I even chatted up one of his one nighters, and could have stolen his trick from him, but it still didn’t change things. The guys he brings back look like me, I am more of an otter, bearded and a little hairy but I have an athletic build rather than a body builders physique. I have been so frustrated that he won’t sleep with me.

Last night he bought home another guy, I was with the rest of the guys in the living room it was movie night, drinking beer, eating pizza and ice cream. They spent a little time with us before disappearing to his room. It was then I asked my housemates why he wouldn’t sleep with me. They all replied that it was because he liked me too much, he’d like to date me but while I was going through the fling phase he didn’t want me to be a notch in the bedpost!

So, my question is, how do I put this right. I love living where I am, and I really like this guy, but I don’t know if it’s just a physical thing or an emotional thing. Living in this house is like having a conveyor belt of guys parading through, I really like this for me at this moment. I know it won’t last forever, but there is something about this guy which garners my attention

What can I do?

Nathaniel H


It sounds like you are enjoying your housemates and where you are living at the moment, there is nothing wrong with playing the field. It sounds as though there is a lot of game playing going on surrounding you and this guy. Why not ask him out on a date, or a beer to have a conversation, away from the house with just the two of you. It may well clear the air and perhaps put things into perspective for you both. It doesn’t sound as though you want to leave the house or your current lifestyle dynamic at the moment, so I am not suggesting the two of you hook up and disappear into the horizon or married bliss. If he has a thing for you in one sense and you have a thing for him in another it could be toxic for the two of you to get together at this moment of time. However ceasing the game playing between the two of you could alleviate the pressure build up between you.

Send your relationship or dating question to –

Travis Smith

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