Bearnamic Duo: Dick & Duane!

12238494_983638355012399_1173984989868548158_oYour rabid fan base knows you as “Dick & Duane” ~ are those your real names?

“I don’t think our fans are rabid! Well, maybe some might need a distemper shot. But as for the names, Duane is really Duane. Although many people know him by his nickname “Ape,” and I’m “Monkey.” I prefer to be called Richie (I actually hate the name “Dick” because it reminds me of people like Nixon and Cheney, although who doesn’t love Dick Van Dyke?), but making a pun of the children’s book series “Dick and Jane” was just too irresistible and catchy. However, I wonder how many younger people even get that reference since these books — which were used, from the 1930s through 70s, to teach kids to read through word repetition — had already been phased out and replaced by phonics by the time they were born. OK, if any young people out there are reading this and are confused, just google “Dick and Jane” and quit busting my chops. You might have to google that idiom, too.”

How did that all start?

“How did Dick and Jane start? As I said, it was in the 1930s and they were designed to teach kids how to — oh, wait, do you mean how did we start calling ourselves Dick and Duane? Well, it was 1989 and we decided we wanted to enter “show biz.” It was a very exciting time in NYC nightlife and we were seeing so many creative and talented people (our favorites were Joey Arias and Ann Magnuson as Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick in “The Andy & Edie Show” at Danceteria). We felt inspired to get up on stage and do our thing. We made our debut at The Pyramid Club on Aug. 13 that year. We did four musical/comedic numbers and left the crowd screaming for more. We were hooked.”

How did you guys meet?

“Slowly. We silently stared at each other for two months before saying our first words to each other. It was my first year (Duane’s second) at Rutgers College and we were taking Intro to Art History, sitting on opposite sides of a large lecture hall. We were both virgins, completely inexperienced and I guess a little shy. Plus, we had no idea how to tell if another guy were gay. Anyway, little by little, for those two months, Duane moved his seat closer and closer to mine. On Oct. 26, 1981, he got to class late and seized the opportunity to finally sit next to me. He asked, “What are we looking at?” and my first words to him were “I love you.” He thought I was crazy but I meant it because I’d had all that time to fall in love!”

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How long have you been together?

“One week. (Plus 34 years.)”

Was it love at first sight or did it take a few dates?

“As you already know, for me, it was love at first sight, but Duane needed a few weeks — OK, months — of persuasion. And some hypnosis.”

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How long did you date before you lived together?

“It was about 4 months before our parents agreed to rent us an apartment off-campus. We didn’t want them to think we were going to be spending all of our time having sex together, so at first, we pretended to just be roommates. But we did end up having sex all the time. So much so that I recall we each had knee and elbow burns from so much rubbing against the low-thread-count poly-cotton sheets.”

What is it about your mate that attracted you so much?

“I was very much into skinny, hung, blond jocks, so Duane fit the bill. He has always liked big muscle guys and cute/sexy faces, so while I wasn’t muscular, my face got my foot in the door of his heart. Oh, that would make a fabulous country-western song!

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Do you have common interests?

Classic sitcoms (Mary Tyler Moore, Mary Hartman, the first three Lucy series, The Comeback, Roseanne…). And sexy younger Latino tops. Well, one in particular. He’s our collared boy.

Do you each have an interest that the other has none in?

Yes. Duane loves his Jeep and anything truck-related. I have a huge celebrity doll collection. But actually, we each share these interests with each other, so maybe the answer is “No”!

What’s the secret to your successful relationship?

Honesty, trust, friendship, humor. Also, good 3-way sex, emotional cruelty and some bondage.

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Any advice for a dating couple?

Hmm, it’s been so long since we dated, and we pretty much went straight from dating to married. Plus, the world is very different now. OK, I’ll give it a shot and I’ll keep it relevant to 2015: always make sure your cell phone is charged so your man can find you. Always approve his photo tags on Facebook. And make videos of the two of you having sex, so in case it doesn’t last, you’ll have something fun to remember him by.

Dick and Duane™
For more adult fun with Dick and Duane, simply google them and visit their tumblr page!