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I’m in a wonderful relationship, with a fantastic guy, we’ve been together nearly 3 years, living together for the last year, and life is excellent. My only issue is present buying, we are buying each other things all the time, if we see something the other will like we’ll get it, we both have good jobs and a disposable income. But, I think birthdays should just a token thing and making a nice day of things, my partner feels it’s important to shower me with gifts. We had a discussion about it last year, my birthday is a couple of days after his, and we decided that we’d do a joint event to celebrate and booked a cabin in the mountains for a couple of weeks, the first week would be just us and the second we’d invite friends up to celebrate our birthdays and kick back together. To me that was a great gift to give each other, however he went and bought a load of presents for me on top. This made me feel as though I’d not done enough for him. He put me at ease, but I could tell he was hurt that I didn’t reciprocate, and a few mutual friends commented on it.
We’re a couple of months off doing the cabin again this year, everyone enjoyed it last time and we thought we’d make it a regular event. Again we’ve agreed not to do presents, and keep it to booking the cabin and having a romantic time. However, this weekend while I was clearing out the garage I found a stash of presents hidden in the back of the jeep we use for the summer, he’s obviously stock piling for me again. I’m touched that he’s doing it, but don’t want to go down the raft of feelings I did last year. What should I do?
Some people like to buy gifts, and some people like to receive them. Ultimately this isn’t some life threatening issue, it sounds as though you have the funds and live a good life style. Enjoy the moment get him a handful of presents, you don’t have to buy out Tiffany, just a couple of hours down the Mall, a nice main gift and a few fripperies, perhaps get some outdoorsy things that you can use while at the cabin.
It would seem silly to great anxiety and stress for yourself over a small thing.
Some fabulous examples of Retro Futurism are the series of illustrations by Charles Schridde for a Motorola advertising campaign during the 1960’s. These ads often appeared in Life Magazine and featured futuristic architecture and fantastical lifestyles centered around Motorola TV and stereo consoles.
“When Charlie Schridde was working at New Center Studios in Detroit in the early sixties, the recently acquired Motorola account was the subject of an in-house contest. Each artist was asked to create a scene involving “a neat place to watch tv.” As a result, Schridde’s vision of sophisticated couples, near-future architecture and sumptuous, panoramic environments won the day. He continued creating the high-profile, double-page spread Motorola ads (which regularily appeared in both Life magazine and the Saturday Evening Post) even after leaving New Center.”
– Today’s Inspiration
I moved into a new shared house, it’s a large house and very gay, full of beary looking guys, cubs, otters and it’s like living on a porn film, with scantily clad guys walking around, the mornings at the weekend are wonderful when the one night stands have breakfast or brunch together on Sunday. We’re all single or just playing the dating field. I’ve been living here for a few months and I have fallen for one of my housemates, he’s very attractive, gym body covered with fur, and a interchangeable beard or goatee beard. He’s always bringing someone home for the night, and even though I know he’s not a serious contender for a boyfriend I still want to sleep with him. I’ve tried to make a move on him, but he refuses to go down that route. I’ve bought a selection of guys home to make him jealous, but he doesn’t react. I even chatted up one of his one nighters, and could have stolen his trick from him, but it still didn’t change things. The guys he brings back look like me, I am more of an otter, bearded and a little hairy but I have an athletic build rather than a body builders physique. I have been so frustrated that he won’t sleep with me.
Last night he bought home another guy, I was with the rest of the guys in the living room it was movie night, drinking beer, eating pizza and ice cream. They spent a little time with us before disappearing to his room. It was then I asked my housemates why he wouldn’t sleep with me. They all replied that it was because he liked me too much, he’d like to date me but while I was going through the fling phase he didn’t want me to be a notch in the bedpost!
So, my question is, how do I put this right. I love living where I am, and I really like this guy, but I don’t know if it’s just a physical thing or an emotional thing. Living in this house is like having a conveyor belt of guys parading through, I really like this for me at this moment. I know it won’t last forever, but there is something about this guy which garners my attention
What can I do?
It sounds like you are enjoying your housemates and where you are living at the moment, there is nothing wrong with playing the field. It sounds as though there is a lot of game playing going on surrounding you and this guy. Why not ask him out on a date, or a beer to have a conversation, away from the house with just the two of you. It may well clear the air and perhaps put things into perspective for you both. It doesn’t sound as though you want to leave the house or your current lifestyle dynamic at the moment, so I am not suggesting the two of you hook up and disappear into the horizon or married bliss. If he has a thing for you in one sense and you have a thing for him in another it could be toxic for the two of you to get together at this moment of time. However ceasing the game playing between the two of you could alleviate the pressure build up between you.
Send your relationship or dating question to – hello@GayDatingExpert.co.uk
Meet Woofy Phil from Stone Mountain, GA…
What does the term “Bear” mean to you?
“I think the definition of a bear is a man who is secure enough in his hairiness to let it grow.”
What’s your idea of a perfect date?
“Going on a ten mile hike with a rugged bear, taking him to dinner (his choice), and then back to my place for a sensual massage!”
Location: Stone Mountain, GA
Hair: Salt & Pepper
Fitness Routine: “A happy balance between working out, eating right and getting enough sleep.”
Occupation: Electrical Tech
Hobbies: “When I have time, I love to hike. I’ve hiked over 150 miles of Georgia trails.”
Guilty Pleasure Snack: Zaxby’s
TV Faves: “I don’t watch TV at home, but when I’m with friends, I’m addicted to ‘Orange Is The New Black’ and ‘Downtown Abbey.”
Last good movie you saw: “Gravity’ (Sandra Bullock kicks ass!)”
Currently Reading: “47 Ronin’ by Joan D. Vinge.”
Turn Ons: “I love a good kisser, and definitely massages!”
Turn Offs: “Someone who uses the words ‘I’ and ‘me’ a lot.”
Q: Personal Statement: “Don’t judge!”
Photos by John Edward Fink Real Men Real Life
A Modern Bear favorite! This dramatic 1959 MCM residence was designed and built by Rodney Walker for his own home.
Located on an extremely private property in the east end of Ojai, California, its stunning modern design includes 25 foot wooden ceilings, floor to ceiling glass, polished cement floors and an open floor plan. This 4,300 square foot four bedroom, three bathroom home sits on 3.4 acres, featuring lush Japanese gardens with water features, wrap-around redwood decks, pathways and bridges. Walker was a modern designer and builder who specialized in residential architecture in the Southern California area. He contributed three designs to Arts & Architecture magazine’s Case Study House program during the late 1940’s (Case Study House #16, #17, and #18). Many of his homes were photographed by Julius Shulman for Arts & Architecture magazine.
If “Modern Bear” had been an action TV show in the 1980’s, its opening intro may have looked something like this!
Buy our Bear Travel Guide, “Guide for the Modern Bear” at our store.